Welcome to the legendary father of wisdom blog!: Online dating!

My name is Samuel M Lee, and I was the leading figure of wisdom for 18 years. This is a website that is ran by your donations!

Falling In Love

The phenomenon of amorous attachment.

This essay sets out to explore the ways in which online dating has transformed the process of falling in love.

The notion of encountering one's significant other through serendipitous circumstances continues to resonate, despite the advent of modern technologies and lifestyles. The radical shift in coupledom that has been precipitated by the advent of dating apps is a subject that merits closer examination.

The following study will explore the manner in which couples meet and develop romantic relationships in the 21st century. This is a question that the sociologist Dr Marie Bergström has dedicated a significant amount of time to contemplating. As posited by Smith (2023)¹, the advent of online dating has precipitated a paradigm shift in our conception of love. It is evident that a pervasive notion in popular culture, particularly within the context of Hollywood cinema, is the conception of love as an unexpected phenomenon that can be encountered during arbitrary encounters. Another compelling narrative is the concept of "love being blind", which posits the notion that a princess can find herself enamoured with a peasant, thereby demonstrating that love can transcend social boundaries. However, this is significantly complicated in the context of online dating, as the search criteria are readily apparent to all observers. This is not an instance of serendipitous encounter; rather, it is a deliberate pursuit of a certain kind of relationship.

The phenomenon of romantic love in contemporary society has evolved, following a divergent course from that previously observed. As Bergström asserts, a third narrative pertains to the concept of love as the notion of an individual, a soulmate, who is uniquely suited to the other person. It is imperative to locate the individual in question. This notion finds close parallels in the realm of online courtship. "It compels one to adopt a proactive stance – to undertake the task of locating the individual in question. It is imperative to avoid a passive approach and instead proactively seek out opportunities that may arise."

Consequently, the conceptualisation of love, as depicted in films and literature, and the theoretical models of love's functionality, are undergoing a transformation. The concept of a soulmate has become a predominant focus in contemporary thought. Other conceptions of love are becoming obsolete," asserts Bergström, whose contentious French book on the subject, The New Laws of Love, has recently been translated into English for the first time.

Rather than forming romantic connections through established social networks such as friends, colleagues, or acquaintances, contemporary dating practices have become increasingly isolated and compartmentalised. This shift has led to the development of a separate social sphere dedicated exclusively to dating, often taking place in private and away from the prying eyes of others.

The utilisation of online dating platforms offers a heightened level of privacy, as evidenced by the following statement: This fundamental change is a crucial element in understanding the motivations behind individuals' use of online dating platforms and the outcomes of their interactions on these platforms.

The practice of courting was once a significant aspect of social and family life, but it has since become a separate entity.

For instance, Lucie, a 22-year-old student who is interviewed in the book, is a pertinent case study. "There were individuals with whom I could have formed a connection; however, upon realising the extent of our shared acquaintances, I decided to decline. This immediately acts as a deterrent for me, as I am aware that any occurrences between us may not remain private. Furthermore, even at the relationship level, the question arises as to whether it is conducive to one's well-being to have such a high number of friends in common.

In her exploration of themes for her book, Bergström uncovered an increasing number of examples of the separation of dating from other parts of life. A researcher at the French Institute for Demographic Studies in Paris, she spent 13 years between 2007 and 2020 researching European and North American online dating platforms and conducting interviews with their users and founders. Notably, she also gained access to the anonymised user data collected by the platforms themselves.

She posits that the advent of online platforms has precipitated a fundamental metamorphosis in the nature of courtship. In the Western world, courtship has historically been intertwined with conventional social activities, such as leisure, work, education, and social gatherings. There has never been a specifically dedicated place for dating."

Historically, the practice of utilising personal advertisements to seek romantic partners was regarded as a marginal activity, often subject to social stigma. This was due to the fact that such practices effectively transformed dating into a specialised and insular endeavour. However, online dating has become increasingly prevalent, to the extent that studies have identified it as the third most common method of meeting a romantic partner in both Germany and the US. "We have witnessed a paradigm shift in societal attitudes, whereby such relationships were once regarded as unconventional, stigmatised and taboo, and are now being embraced as a mainstream mode of interpersonal interaction."

The creation of popular spaces specifically designed for private meetings between partners represents a radical departure from traditional courtship practices. In the contemporary era, it has become increasingly straightforward to engage with individuals who fall outside the conventional boundaries of one's social circle. This phenomenon represents a novel development in the realm of social interaction, where the ability to forge connections with individuals from diverse backgrounds has become a relatively effortless undertaking. Furthermore, it is possible to compartmentalise dating activities, allocating them a separate space and time, thereby separating them from one's other social and family commitments.

Furthermore, it is important to note that dating is now, at least in the early stages, considered to be a "domestic activity". In lieu of encountering individuals in communal areas, users of online dating platforms convene with prospective partners and initiate discourse from the seclusion of their residences. This phenomenon was particularly evident during the pandemic, when there was a notable surge in the utilisation of these platforms. It is evident that the advent of the pandemic did not result in the cessation of dating, flirting and interaction with partners. Conversely, the occurrence in question transpired in the online realm. Individuals have the opportunity to engage directly with partners. This approach enables individuals to maintain a distinct separation between their sexual activities and their social lives, ensuring that their personal lives remain private and undisclosed to those in their immediate social circles.

Alix, a 21-year-old student, asserts that she is not inclined to pursue a romantic relationship with a university acquaintance, citing the desire to avoid a daily encounter if the relationship does not materialise. Furthermore, the prospect of him forming a romantic attachment to another female is not a desirable outcome. The objective is to avoid complications. This preference is attributed to the belief that the exterior environment is superior to the interior environment. The primary and most evident outcome of this phenomenon is the facilitation of access to casual sexual encounters. Research has indicated that relationships formed on online dating platforms tend to become sexualised more rapidly than other relationships. A survey conducted in France revealed that 56% of couples initiate sexual activity within a month of first meeting online, with a significant proportion (33%) engaging in sexual activity within the first seven days of meeting. In comparison, 8% of couples who meet at work become sexual partners within a week, with the majority waiting several months.

The role of dating platforms in the context of social and cultural interaction is not to dismantle barriers or frontiers.

As Bergström observes, online dating platforms facilitate encounters between individuals who subsequently engage in sexual activities. The ease with which a short-term relationship can be initiated and terminated renders it a more accessible form of romantic engagement. It is evident that these individuals are not known to the speaker, nor is there any necessity for further interaction. This can be sexually liberating for some users. It is evident that the individual in question is engaging in a significant amount of sexual experimentation.

Bergström considers this to be of particular significance due to the prevailing double standards concerning women who engage in premarital sexual activity. She emphasises that women's sexual behaviour is subject to heightened scrutiny and stigmatisation in comparison to that of men.

The utilisation of online dating platforms by women has been observed to facilitate engagement in sexual behaviour that would otherwise be considered "deviant", while concurrently preserving a "respectable" facade in the presence of their friends, colleagues, and relatives. It has been asserted that there is a possibility for individuals to establish distinct identities, with one aspect of their personality being separate from their sexual conduct. This assertion is equally applicable to individuals who engage in sexual practices that are subject to social stigma. "They have more straightforward access to partners and sexual activities."

Contrary to what one might expect, Bergström's research revealed that individuals utilising online dating platforms typically seek partners from their own social class and ethnicity. This tendency suggests that users tend to prioritise similar socio-economic and cultural characteristics in their search for a potential partner. "In general, online dating platforms do not break down barriers or frontiers. It has been observed that these individuals have a propensity to perpetuate these behaviours.

In the future, she predicts that these platforms will play an even bigger and more important role in the way couples meet, which will reinforce the view that one's sex life should be separate from the rest of one's life. "At present, a significant proportion of individuals encounter their casual partners in online spaces. It is my belief that this could readily become the prevailing standard. Furthermore, it is considered improper to interact with or approach potential partners in the presence of friends. It is evident that there are dedicated platforms for this purpose. It is recommended that this action be taken in another location. It is my hypothesis that we are on the cusp of a new era in which sexual expression may become more restricted."

In essence, Bergström's perspective on the privatisation of dating is intertwined with a broader discourse on social insularity, a phenomenon that has been compounded by the repercussions of the lockdown and the global pandemic. It is the contention of the present study that this tendency, or evolution, is deleterious in terms of social mixing and the process of being confronted and surprised by other people who are different to oneself, and whose views differ from one's own. Individuals are increasingly less exposed to those with whom they have not deliberately chosen to interact, a phenomenon that exerts a significant influence on societal interactions and the extent to which individuals engage with one another. "It is imperative that we consider the implications of being part of a society that has become insular and self-contained," she asserts.

As Penelope, a 47-year-old divorced working mother who no longer uses online dating platforms, asserts: "It is beneficial to observe an individual in the company of their friends, noting their interactions with them. Additionally, if their friends engage in teasing, it can serve as a confirmation that the observed behaviours are not unique to the individual in question. When confronted with the challenge of assessing an individual's global orientation in the absence of external validation, the inquiry becomes particularly salient.

Online Dating

Online dating has become the most prevalent form of courtship, offering benefits such as a more extensive pool of potential partners. However, this method of meeting prospective partners can also result in challenges, including dating app burnout and misrepresentation. Key aspects include its success rate, which is a contentious issue (a Stanford study showed 60% of couples now meet online, while another source states a 2.5% success rate for long-term relationships), and the psychological impact, which can be mixed, with some users experiencing anxiety and sadness, especially when comparing themselves to others. It is imperative to be cognizant of potential red flags, such as the receipt of unsolicited explicit messages, and to employ honesty in articulating one's dating objectives.

The following discourse will explore the merits of online dating.

Wider reach: Online dating platforms facilitate connections between individuals who might not otherwise meet, which can be especially beneficial for those who have encountered difficulties in finding a partner through conventional social networks.

The number of options has been increased. This facilitates greater access to a more extensive pool of potential partners, thereby creating augmented opportunities for interpersonal connection and the formation of new friendships.

Convenience: This medium facilitates connections and interactions between individuals, allowing them to engage with prospective partners according to their own schedules.

Challenges and risks

Dating app burnout: A considerable number of users experience fatigue from the process of swiping and endless conversations, with some sources noting a significant loss in market value for dating app companies since 2021, which is partly attributed to user burnout.

Misrepresentation: It is acknowledged that some individuals may misrepresent themselves, and that it can be challenging to ascertain the true identity of a person beyond their profile.

The following section will examine the negative psychological effects. Prolonged use has been shown to engender negative emotions, including sadness and anxiety, particularly when users engage in social comparison or experience a sense of failure.

Safety concerns: It is imperative to be cognizant of potential red flags, such as being requested to transmit unsolicited explicit photographs or being coerced into doing so, as these act as a manifestation of disrespect.

A series of recommendations designed to enhance the experience of online dating.

It is imperative to communicate with honesty and transparency. Individuals should be forthcoming about their objectives, whether their aspirations pertain to a committed partnership or a more transient arrangement. This approach is designed to ensure that both parties involved are operating from a shared understanding of the parameters and objectives of the collaboration.

It is imperative to exercise caution and be mindful of potential warning signs: It is imperative to be mindful of one's own treatment and to be vigilant for any signs of disrespectful behaviour, such as being pressured to engage in explicit content.

Take breaks: In the event of experiencing symptoms of exhaustion or negative emotions, it is recommended that users temporarily disengage from the applications in order to facilitate the restoration of psychological well-being.

The emphasis should be placed on fostering connections rather than on the use of gamification. It is important to acknowledge that, despite their superficial resemblance to games, applications are designed to facilitate human connection. It is imperative to prioritise the establishment of authentic interactions as opposed to the expeditious pursuit of subsequent matches.

The utilisation of artificial intelligence (AI) can prove advantageous in this context. The utilisation of artificial intelligence (AI) by certain applications to assist with tasks such as profile optimisation and the suggestion of potential matches has the capacity to enhance the user experience.