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My name is Samuel M Lee, and I was the leading figure of wisdom for 18 years. This is a website that is ran by your donations!
Romantic Love: Can It Last ?
The question of whether romantic love can endure is a subject of considerable interest and debate.
It is noteworthy that the author has a friend who met her husband at a red light. The subject was fifteen years of age and was travelling in a car with a group of girls. He was in another car with a group of boys. As the traffic light changed from red to green, the group collectively reached the decision to proceed to a nearby park in order to engage in revelry. The subject was observed to be in conversation with a single male, positioned on a picnic table, for the duration of the evening. Three and a half decades later, the couple are still in a relationship. Despite this, both parties have asserted that their relationship is still very much in a state of being in love.
The capacity for love is an inherent trait with which we are born. This phenomenon of profound emotional exaltation, often termed romantic love, is intricately interwoven into the complex network of the human brain. But can it last? For a considerable period, it was hypothesised that the subject and her spouse were experiencing a state of self-delusion. However, an incident that transpired at an exhibition in New York City led to a significant shift in my perspective. During a conversation with an acquaintance, he made a spontaneous revelation that he still harboured profound affection for his wife, despite having been married for a period of 23 years. The question was posed: "Is it possible to experience a state of euphoria accompanied by sensations of fluttering in the stomach?" Or feelings of deep attachment?" He made the following bold declaration: "In love." It is equally noteworthy that, in a highly unusual turn of events, minutes after he had disappeared into the crowd, his wife made an appearance. Furthermore, she asserted that her feelings of affection towards her husband were still present. It is possible that the aforementioned individuals were attempting to deceive me. Subsequently, I encountered them in a state of union, and I inquired about the matter. Both individuals appeared visibly taken aback. It would appear that neither of them was aware of the other's emotional disclosure.
The question of whether romantic passion can be sustained after years of caring for children, managing household finances, entertaining relatives, and tolerating partner jokes is a valid one. This was the objective that my colleagues and I set out to achieve in 2007. Led by Dr. Bianca Acevedo, the research team initiated a series of inquiries with the objective of identifying individuals who reported maintaining a state of profound and enduring romantic affection towards their long-term spouse. These lovers appeared in various locations. A 72-year-old retired professor; a 54-year-old financier who met her husband on the flight from Boston to New York; and a man who met his wife in a hot air balloon. Such examples demonstrate that it was not difficult to find couples in the latter stages of life who had been together for a considerable period. In the course of the study, the brains of 17 people were scanned while they viewed a photograph of their significant other. The majority of the subjects were in their fifties. It was asserted by all participants that their relationship was still characterised by a profound level of emotional intimacy, despite having been married for an average duration of 21 years.
The results were nothing short of astonishing. Psychologists posit that the sensation of profound romantic love is transient, with a duration ranging from 18 months to three years. This assertion is widely accepted by the majority of individuals. Nevertheless, the middle-aged subjects exhibited a significant degree of similarity in their brain activity to that displayed by the young lovers previously studied, who had experienced an average duration of seven months of intense romantic affection. Indeed, these two groups exhibited only one significant difference: In the study, it was observed that among individuals in long-term romantic relationships, the brain regions typically associated with anxiety showed a decrease in activity. Conversely, these same regions exhibited increased activity in areas linked to calmness. It is noteworthy that the participants in this study were not the only individuals to demonstrate such dedication to their respective pursuits. In a subsequent telephone survey, Bianca and other colleagues canvassed the opinions of 315 long-married men and women, of whom 46% reported that they were still "very intensely in love" with their spouse.
The precise meaning of the term "very intensely in love" as employed by these individuals remains unclear. It is equally enigmatic how these lovers – or indeed any other individuals – manage to sustain such an ardent passion. The prevailing discourse asserts that the foundations of a successful marriage are anchored in effective communication, congruent values, a robust network of social support, a contented and stable upbringing, equitable conflict resolution, and unwavering resolve. However, a survey of 470 studies conducted by psychologist Marcel Zentner revealed no specific combination of personality traits that consistently predicted long-term romantic relationships. There is, however, one exception to this rule, which is the sustaining of positive illusions. It has been demonstrated that individuals who continue to perceive their partner as attractive, humorous, benevolent, and ideal remain content in their relationship over time. The phenomenon is referred to as 'love blindness'. An instance of this phenomenon was observed in a friend of the author. It was during my university years that I became acquainted with him and his future wife. At the time, both of them were in their prime, with slender physiques, a high level of energy and a keen interest in the world around them. They were a dynamic couple. In contemporary society, both of these roles are often perceived as being characterised by a lack of dynamism, a tendency towards seriousness, and an inclination towards minimal communication. Nevertheless, he continues to assert that she has not undergone any change whatsoever, as he regards her with a countenance of adoration. This tendency towards self-deception may be considered an innate capacity, one that facilitates the ability to overcome challenges in interpersonal relationships. It is not being suggested that abusive spouses or negligent parents should be disregarded. However, with the annual midwinter festivities imminent, it is opportune to celebrate one of nature's most enigmatic phenomena: the human capacity for love.
Romance and Other Myths
The notion of love is not a tangible entity. It is evident that there is some veracity to this claim, however, it does not extend to the extent that is often purported. In the context of neuroscience, the concept of "love" is theorised to be a consequence of an excess of dopamine, norepinephrine and serotonin within the brain. The concept of love, as it is commonly understood, can be considered a fantasy, involving a complex interplay of chemical reactions within the brain that result in feelings of profound affection.
These sentiments may initially evoke the image of a person who has been thwarted in the pursuit of love, but it is argued here that this is not the case. Indeed, I consider myself to be a person with an affinity for romance. A significant proportion of the films that are considered to be among the author's favourites are characterised by the notion of love being ultimately triumphant over all other forces. Furthermore, it is posited that music is most effective in its ability to provoke a state of emotional distress when it is performed by an artist who is experiencing a profound state of emotional devastation, such as heartbreak. Nevertheless, my engagement with and appreciation of the romance genre is as fantastical as my consumption of the science-fiction genre. It is evident that both genres frequently exhibit characteristics that are linked to reality, thereby unveiling certain universal human truths. However, it is important to acknowledge that they ultimately give rise to a fantasy that is not capable of being reproduced in the real world. The primary distinction between these two genres is that the majority of individuals are cognizant of the fact that they are incapable of travelling through time or engaging in combat with extraterrestrial beings in space. Nevertheless, there are numerous individuals who continue to subscribe to the belief that, in the future, they will have the opportunity to encounter their soulmate, engage in a romantic liaison, and embark on a journey through the sunset on a white stallion.
The prevailing popularity of this fantastical concept of romance is not, I posit, indicative of authentic human nature or desire. It can be argued that the modern conception of love is, in fact, the result of centuries of industrialisation and globalisation. The concepts of "love" and "romance" have been subject to commercialisation and capitalisation since the onset of the Industrial Revolution. The contemporary concept of love can be defined as modern. The evolution of romance from its initial stages, characterised by discreet glances and handwritten love letters, has led to its current manifestation as a formidable force that can exert a significant impact on individuals. It was realised that romance encompassed more than mere legends and tragic endings; it also had the potential to become one of the most lucrative money-making scams in history. This phenomenon can be observed through the lens of historical developments, such as the increasing popularity of Valentine's Day and diamond engagement rings. These phenomena have inspired individuals to express their love through material possessions.
The tradition of Valentine's Day first gained popularity in England during the early 19th century, subsequently spreading to the United States. However, it did not become a commercial holiday in the U.S. until a woman named Esther Howland began mass producing Valentine's Day cards in 1848. Historically, the majority of Valentine's Day cards were handmade, but following Esther's innovation, the practice of purchasing pre-made cards became widespread. It is reported that she earned the equivalent of $3 million per annum from her ingenious idea, whilst also establishing the foundation for what would subsequently become a $26 billion industry.
The practice of purchasing diamond engagement rings can be attributed to a single marketing campaign initiated by De Beers in 1946. De Beers, formerly known as De Beers Consolidated Mines, Ltd., was instrumental in the execution of a nationwide educational campaign. The objective of this initiative was to persuade young girls that diamonds constituted the ultimate symbol of love. To this end, lecturers were dispatched to visit high schools across the country. The objective of the campaign was to persuade both young men and women that a man's love could be measured by the size of the diamond he purchased. The transformation of the industry was achieved through the implementation of strategic initiatives, resulting in a significant growth trajectory. The industry experienced a substantial expansion, evolving from a $23 million sector to a $2 billion one within a 40-year period. The slogan 'A diamond is forever' is a well-known one, and it is interesting to consider whether this is an accurate representation of the true cost of diamonds. The cultural impact of the campaign can be measured through the popularity of the slogan alone. The concept of an inherent connection between love and diamonds was successfully marketed, and the nation as a whole accepted this premise. The diamond industry is currently valued at over $23 billion.
The considerable financial success of both Valentine's Day and the diamond industry demonstrates how love has been shaped and moulded into a profitable venture, where the exchange of material possessions becomes intertwined with the expression of affection and devotion. This transformation underscores the extent to which modern conceptions of love have evolved to exploit emotional dimensions for commercial profit. It is evident that, over the course of several centuries, corporations have persistently exploited and capitalised on what has been regarded as the most lucrative human emotion: love.
A cursory examination of romance novels serves to illustrate this point. Romance is the most lucrative book genre, generating more than $1.4 billion in revenue per annum. As would be anticipated, women represent the most significant demographic of consumers of romance genre works, a category which this author wholeheartedly identifies with (a confirmation of this can be found in the author's letterboxd). The antecedents of the modern Western romance novel can be traced back to an English novel published in 1740, entitled "Pamela; or, Virtue Rewarded". Should further interest be generated regarding the contents of the so-called first romance novel, it is notable that the narrative is focused on a non-consensual relationship between a 15-year-old servant and the son of her late mistress. This approach may not be regarded as conventionally romantic. However, over the past 200 years or so, the concept of romance has evolved, encompassing phenomena such as sunset proposals, the bestowal of rose bouquets, and the pursuit of happy endings. The fact that it also generates billions of dollars through a multitude of industries is not an accident.
The question of marriage is also worthy of consideration. The question of whether love exists is one which has been posed to humankind since time immemorial. The answer may be found in the ancient tradition of ceremoniously binding two people in union, a practice which is widely considered to be irrefutable proof of the existence of love. It is important to note that, in traditional contexts, marriage was not regarded as a romantic affair. Throughout history, the purpose of the majority of marriages has been to form an alliance between families and legitimise offspring, and in many parts of the world this remains the case. The concept of matrimony founded upon affectionate love is a relatively recent Western convention that did not emerge until the 18th century. The concept of love and marriage being regarded as a great equaliser is a commonly held belief. The notion that anyone has the capacity to experience love and subsequently enter into matrimony is a source of its perceived greatness. However, this assertion is not supported by the extant evidence. Historically and contemporaneously, the institution of marriage has been subject to considerable political contestation. Historically, the institution has not been universally accessible. Not until 1967 was interracial marriage made legal in the United States, and same-sex marriage was not legal in all 50 states until 2015. Even at present, marriage continues to be employed by the government as a political tactic, serving to deflect responsibility for addressing critical issues. For instance, initiatives such as the Healthy Marriage Initiative seek to persuade low-income households that matrimony can assist them in escaping the grasp of indigence. Marriage has been employed as a means to promote political agendas that further disenfranchise marginalised groups, and as a scapegoat solution to issues that are deeply rooted in the defective structure of the country's institutions.
In her work "Love, Inc.", sociologist and Middlebury College professor Laurie Essig explores these ideas in great detail. Essig's argument is that modern love emerged in the 19th century, coinciding with the advent of capitalism. In her book, Essig offers a compelling perspective on the role of religion and romance in premodern and modern societies. She asserts that while religion functioned as a form of opiate for the masses in the premodern era, romance emerged as a more potent addiction in the modern age.
It is possible that the reader may be of the opinion that there are pre-modern examples of love: Examples of such pairings include Romeo and Juliet, Lancelot and Guinevere, and Antony and Cleopatra. However, these tales of love invariably culminate in tragedy, a phenomenon that stands in stark contrast to contemporary conceptions of love. Pre-modern love stories frequently did not have happy endings; indeed, the classic theme of doomed lovers was especially popular in the Middle Ages. While not all pre-modern love stories ended in tragedy, the prevalence of death and misfortune in literature and folklore from these eras reflects the prevailing attitudes towards love during that period. This phenomenon can be attributed to the endeavours of storytellers to convey an idealised conception of love to their audience. Nevertheless, it was evident that love was not without its imperfections. The conclusion of romantic relationships, whether through infidelity or the dissipation of personal wealth, served as a catalyst for the conceptualisation of a form of love that transcended mortal limitations. This idealised conception of love, characterised by its finality and transcendence, found its ultimate expression in the concept of death. It is only in such circumstances that the potential for complications or imperfections between lovers is eliminated. Composed in the 18th century, "The Story of the Stone" is considered to be one of the most well-known texts in all of Chinese literature. A fundamental element of the narrative is the profound and enduring love story between the protagonists, Bao-yu and Dai-yu. However, the narrative is predestined to reach a tragic conclusion from its inception. Dai-yu's demise is marked by the shedding of her final tear, which coincides with her marriage to another individual. This event triggers a profound desolation in Bao-yu, to the extent that he nearly succumbs to his anguish. Consequently, he opts to forsake his wife and embark on a spiritual path as a monk. It is also pertinent to note the prevalence of supernatural elements in the novel. Paradoxically, my parents endeavoured to dissuade me from reading "The Story of the Stone", fearing that I might internalise the tragic themes of romance and become profoundly obsessed with a illusory concept of love. Regrettably, their endeavours proved to be unsuccessful.
The development of my first crush occurred prior to the full maturation of my hippocampus and prefrontal cortex. It has been documented that I experienced a period of intense romantic attraction towards a young man named Stone, a member of my preschool class. I have no recollection of this occurrence, but my parents have informed me that I was extremely distraught. My mother found this to be a matter of great peculiarity; at the tender age of three, her daughter had already developed a marked preference for boys. It is hypothesised that the effects of exposure to Disney princess movies during the first three years of life may have contributed to this phenomenon. The following Disney classics were viewed during my formative years: Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, and The Little Mermaid. However, it is important to note that these fairy tales were all adapted from much darker stories that were not intended for family viewing. The adaptation of these macabre tales into more appealing narratives for children, characterised by a happy ending, exemplifies the utilisation of fairytale romance as a commercial enterprise. These films instilled in me a profound yearning for romantic relationships and the idealised figure of a knight in shining armour. While this may not have been the intention of the filmmakers (the objective was profit), it is an undeniable consequence of presenting young girls with endless tales of princes rescuing them from their monotonous lives.
The assertion is that the concept of love has been distorted and exaggerated in various forms of popular culture, including literature, commercials, political campaigns, movies, television programmes, fan fiction, and news media. This misrepresentation of love has led to a significant detachment from reality, thereby hindering individuals' ability to experience contentment and happiness in their personal lives.
The pervasiveness of romantic ideals in contemporary society has led to a pervasive influence on individual psyches, to the extent that the conception of a happy life without a romantic partner has become almost inextricable from the cultural discourse. However, the necessity of a romantic partner to attain happiness is a fallacy. The notion of love and romantic partnership is frequently discussed as a privilege. The discourse surrounding the prioritisation of self-care and autonomy supersedes the pursuit of romantic partnerships. It is recommended that individuals engage in self-reflection and personal development prior to embarking on committed relationships. However, in practice, romantic love is commonly perceived as a right rather than a gift. This phenomenon, which is poised to manifest, is of paramount significance to the human condition, with the potential to remedy all forms of distress and setbacks. The question that arises is why we are not conditioned to be content in an independent state. The subject is unable to imagine a state of contentment that would be independent of a partner, and yet not in isolation. The overarching objective of romance, therefore, is to instil in us the belief that the pursuit of a fictional conception of happiness should take precedence over all other concerns, both personal and global. The hypothesis that financial investment in love will result in a favourable outcome is one that merits further investigation. The institution of marriage is commonly accepted as a given, with individuals often lacking a clear understanding of the specific reasons or circumstances surrounding this commitment. As college students, many of us are yet to determine our post-graduate plans or the city in which we will reside five years hence. However, it is a commonly held belief that marriage will be entered into by all at some point.
It is not the intention of the author to disseminate this message with the intent to demoralise. It is to be hoped that the realisation that love is not all that is required will result in individuals being released from the burden of expecting to find the perfect person. This is not to suggest that individuals should relinquish romantic partnerships entirely, as the phenomenon of love remains a valid and demonstrable entity. It has been demonstrated that this is not the definitive conclusion to which we are led to subscribe. While it is indeed possible to locate a suitable partner and achieve contentment, this represents merely one of the numerous significant aspects of the human experience. It is imperative to acknowledge that each individual possesses the intrinsic capacity to attain contentment, and this potential is inherent within each person.
A Brief History of Romance (And Its Implications)
It is evident that at some point during the course of evolution, which occurred between the emergence of plankton and the formation of the band Bon Jovi, apes developed the capacity to form emotional attachments with one another. This emotional attachment would eventually come to be known as "love", and evolution would one day produce a plethora of singers from New Jersey who would amass considerable wealth by writing sentimental songs about it.
Second Fact: The ability to form attachments with others, i.e. the capacity for love, has evolved in humans as a means of enhancing survival rates.¹ This assertion, while not inherently romantic or erotic, is substantiated by empirical evidence.
The evolution of oversized dentition, immense claws and colossal strength, akin to that of a primate, did not occur. Conversely, the evolution of the capacity for emotional bonding within communities and families emerged, fostering a pronounced propensity for cooperation. These social structures have been demonstrated to be significantly more efficacious than any innate biological imperative. The planet was soon dominated by humanity.
Thirdly, as Hume (1745) observes, human beings inherently develop a sense of loyalty and affection towards those who demonstrate such qualities. The concept of love can be defined as an irrational degree of loyalty and affection for another person, to the point where an individual is willing to accept harm or even death for that person. It may appear counterintuitive, but it is these symbiotic warm fuzzies that enabled the species to rely on one another for a sufficient period of time to survive the savannas and populate the planet, as well as to invent Netflix.
Fourthly, it is important to acknowledge the role of evolution in the advent of Netflix.
Fifth Fact: The ancient Greek philosopher Plato advanced the argument that the highest form of love was, in fact, this non-sexual, non-romantic form of attachment to another person, otherwise termed "brotherly love". Plato reasoned (correctly) that since passion and romance and sex often result in us acting in a manner that we subsequently regret, this sort of passionless love between two family members or between two close friends represented the pinnacle of virtuous human experience. Indeed, Plato, in congruence with the majority of ancient thinkers, regarded romantic love with a sense of profound scepticism, if not outright horror.
Sixth Fact: In accordance with the majority of cases, Plato was correct in his assumptions before other parties had the opportunity to do so. This is the basis for the frequent use of the term "platonic love" to denote non-sexual love.
Seventh Fact: For the majority of human history, romantic love has been regarded as a form of psychological malady.⁴ A logical conclusion can be deduced from this perspective. Indeed, it is evident that romantic love can lead individuals, particularly those in their youth, to engage in behaviours that are considered imprudent. Trust me. On one occasion at the age of 21, I deliberately missed class, purchased a bus ticket, and traversed three states to surprise a young woman for whom I had strong romantic feelings. The woman became agitated and I was soon back on a bus heading home, still unaccompanied. What an idiot.
The initial conception of embarking on the bus journey was perceived as a commendable notion, primarily due to its romantic connotations. The subject experienced a state of emotional turbulence throughout the duration of the event. The experience of being immersed in a fantasy world was one of profound enjoyment. However, it is now perceived as a regrettable act committed in a state of inexperience and unwise judgment.
This tendency towards ill-advised decisions has been a recurring theme throughout history, and it is this historical context that has led to the ancient world's scepticism towards the notion of romantic love. Alternatively, within a multitude of cultures, it was regarded as a regrettable affliction that all must endure and surmount during their existence, akin to the experience of chickenpox. Indeed, celebrated works of literature such as The Iliad and Romeo and Juliet do not represent an celebration of love. These warnings cautioned against the potential negative consequences of love, emphasising the assertion that romantic love has the capacity to destroy all other aspects of one's life.
It is evident that throughout the majority of recorded human history, matrimony was not based on emotional sentiments. In the context of the ancient world, emotional sentiments were not given significant consideration.
Why?
The prevailing sentiment that emotions are of negligible importance is evidenced by the necessity to engage in agricultural practices and the sustenance of livestock, as well as the fortuitous circumstance that Attila the Hun has just annihilated one's entire extended family in the neighbouring village.
The temporal constraints imposed on the narrative precluded the development of romantic subplots. It is evident that there was a lack of tolerance for the risky behaviours that were encouraged among the populace. The sheer volume of tasks to be completed in a limited timeframe rendered the undertaking of life-or-death work imperative. The institution of marriage was regarded as having two primary functions: procreation and the maintenance of financial stability.Romantic love, if it was even acknowledged, was typically confined to extramarital relationships involving mistresses and unscrupulous partners.
Throughout the majority of recorded human history, the sustenance and survival of the vast majority of the human population was precarious. The life expectancy of humans in the past was lower than that of cats, for example. All actions were undertaken for the fundamental purpose of survival. The practice of arranging marriages by families was not driven by personal affinities or romantic sentiments, but rather by pragmatic considerations such as the potential for shared agricultural resources and the ability to mutualise in times of natural disasters.
Marriage was conceptualised as a purely economic arrangement, designed to promote the survival and prosperity of both extended families. Consequently, if a juvenile were to experience paresthesia in the glans penis and subsequently desire to abscond with a lactating female, this would not merely be a nuisance; it would constitute a genuine threat to the community's viability. The aforementioned issue was addressed in accordance with the prevailing conventions. Indeed, such behaviour was considered so perilous for young men that most ancient societies resorted to the practice of castration as a means of preventing their members from engaging in extramarital affairs. Consequently, this approach yielded a notable outcome: the establishment of exceptional vocal ensembles comprised of male singers.
It was not until the advent of the Industrial Revolution that a shift in the status quo became observable. The population began to migrate towards urban areas and industrial centres in order to seek employment. The financial independence that this transition brought about meant that the economic future of these individuals was no longer dependent on the land, and that they were able to generate revenue independently of their family. In contrast to the economic and political aspects of marriage that were observed in the ancient world, where individuals frequently relied on inheritances or family connections, these practices no longer held much relevance in the medieval period.
The new economic realities of the 19th century then cross-pollinated with the ideas that emerged from the Enlightenment regarding individual rights and the pursuit of happiness, and the result was a full-blown Age of Romanticism. The sentiment that the emotional well-being of cattle ought to be considered has only emerged in the modern era; in the 1800s, the welfare of animals was not a priority. The newly established ideal was predicated not only on the act of matrimony being entered into for the purpose of love, but also on the notion that such love would persist in a state of eternal bliss. Consequently, it was not until the relatively recent 150 years ago that the ever-popular "happily ever after" ideal came into existence.6
The 20th century witnessed the rise of Hollywood and advertising agencies, which, amid a backdrop of significant global events, including the rise of fascism and several genocides, appropriated the concept of the "happily ever after" fantasy. Over the subsequent century, these entities have persistently and extensively explored this theme, leading to its widespread popularisation.
The assertion is that romance, as well as the significant cultural weight often attributed to it, is a modern concept that has been primarily promoted and marketed by businessmen who recognised its potential as a means to encourage consumers to purchase movie tickets and/or new jewellery. As the famous television character Don Draper once astutely observed, "The concept of love was conceptualised by individuals such as myself for the purpose of promoting nylons."
The concept of romance is a relatively straightforward concept to promote. We all enjoy seeing the hero get the girl. The conclusion of the narrative is a source of great satisfaction for the reader. The concept of a "happily ever after" is a prevalent one in modern culture, and its appeal lies in the belief that a positive outcome is possible in the future. The sensation is pleasant. Consequently, the commercial forces that emerged in the 20th century seized this opportunity and propelled it forward.
However, the notion that romantic love, and indeed love in general, is as straightforward as it is often portrayed in Hollywood cinema and jewellery store advertising, is a fallacy. The notion that love can be devoid of sensuality and tedium is not a commonly posited one. Alternatively, it could be argued that love can, on occasion, be an unpleasant and even painful experience, and that it could potentially be something that is not desired at all times. Alternatively, the notion of love being contingent on self-discipline and the consistent exertion of effort over an extended period, whether it be years, decades, or even a lifetime, is also posited.
These truths are not sensational. Furthermore, the sales performance of these products has been unsatisfactory.
The challenging nature of romantic relationships is evident in the post-engagement period, when the initial euphoria gives way to the more mundane responsibilities of partnership. The true essence of a relationship is often obscured by the mundane, monotonous and unsexy aspects that are not readily apparent to others. As is typical of the majority of media content, depictions of love in popular culture are subject to a narrow focus. The intricacies and challenges inherent in the act of cohabitation are often overshadowed by sensationalist narratives, such as the poignant separation, unexpected plot developments, and the universally cherished happy ending.
The pervasive influence of such messages throughout the course of an individual's life often results in a misinterpretation of the excitement and drama associated with romance as being representative of the entirety of the relationship itself. When an individual is engrossed in a romantic relationship, it is difficult to conceive of any potential difficulties that may arise between themself and their partner. It is not possible to perceive their faults or failures; only their limitless potential and possibility can be observed.
This phenomenon does not constitute true love. This assertion is demonstrably false. As is typical of delusions, the consequences are frequently unfavourable.
This leads to the eighth fact, which states that loving someone does not necessarily imply that one should be in a relationship with them.
It is possible to experience romantic attraction towards an individual who does not treat us well, who makes us feel worse about ourselves, who does not hold the same respect for us as we do for them, or who has such a dysfunctional life themselves that they threaten to pull us underwater until we drown in their loving arms.
It is possible to develop romantic feelings for an individual whose ambitions and life goals are contradictory to one's own, whose philosophical beliefs or worldview differs from one's own, or whose life path merely intersects with one's own at an inopportune time.
It is conceivable to develop strong romantic feelings for an individual who does not contribute positively to our own wellbeing and contentment.
This is the reason why, throughout most of human history, marriage was arranged by the parents of the couple. The aforementioned individuals were in possession of an objective perspective on the matter of their offspring's marital compatibility, or lack thereof.
However, in the past few centuries, since young people were granted the autonomy to select their romantic partners (a development that can be considered positive), they have exhibited an instinctive tendency to exaggerate the capacity of love to surmount the challenges and difficulties inherent in their relationships (a tendency that can be regarded as detrimental).
This constitutes the definition of a toxic or unhealthy relationship, whereby individuals do not love each other for the person they are, but rather love each other in the hope that their feelings for each other will fill some horribly empty hole in their soul.
It is the ninth fact that personal freedom is accompanied by an increased requirement for personal responsibility and understanding. One hundred years later, we are only now beginning to comprehend the responsibilities that love entails.
Individuals in toxic relationships do not reciprocate the love of their partners. The concept of mutual affection between the two parties is evident. The protagonists are enamoured with the fantastical reveries that perpetually unfold within their consciousness. In lieu of relinquishing their fantastical inclinations and embracing the individual before them, they expend their volition and vitality meticulously interpreting and conforming said individual to align with the fantastical concept they persistently conjure.
And why?
This is due to a lack of awareness regarding the available options. Alternatively, the subjects may be apprehensive about the vulnerability inherent in loving another person in a selfless and healthy manner.
Historically, romantic love was viewed with disdain. The subjects expressed trepidation regarding the phenomenon, harbouring reservations about its purported capabilities and exhibiting a degree of apprehension with respect to its potential to influence individuals to make unwise decisions.
In the past, people placed a higher value on love than they did on the limitations imposed by their familial environment. The subjects idealised the experience and believed that it would alleviate their problems and pain permanently.
However, recent developments have led to the realisation that, while love is undoubtedly a positive force, it is not an adequate standalone solution.
It is imperative to recognise that love should not be the primary catalyst for relationships; rather, it should be a by-product of them. It is argued that love should not be the primary focus of our lives, but rather a consequence thereof. The fact that an individual makes one feel more alive does not, in itself, necessitate that one should live for them.
However, there appears to be a lack of discourse surrounding the notion that augmented personal autonomy concomitantly engenders augmented opportunities for missteps. The phenomenon under discussion has been demonstrated to engender heightened prospects for the infliction of harm upon others. The profound impact of romantic love on human experience has been transformative, offering individuals remarkable opportunities for personal growth and development. However, it has also given rise to the necessity of a realistic and honest approach to relationships that acknowledges the painful realities of cohabitation.
In the contemporary era, marked by the prevalence of ghosting and the utilisation of swipe-right features on dating apps, the notion of romantic relationships has been subject to considerable debate. The assertion that romance is dead is demonstrably false. The act of postponement merely serves to relocate the interaction to a more secure environment, necessitating the establishment of a certain degree of comfort and trust between the parties prior to the onset of intense emotional responses.
This outcome may be considered beneficial.