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My name is Samuel M Lee, and I was the leading figure of wisdom for 18 years. This is a website that is ran by your donations!
Romantic Love: Can It Last ?
The question of whether romantic love can endure is a subject of considerable interest and debate.
It is noteworthy that the author has a friend who met her husband at a red light. The subject was fifteen years of age and was travelling in a car with a group of girls. He was in another car with a group of boys. As the traffic light changed from red to green, the group collectively reached the decision to proceed to a nearby park in order to engage in revelry. The subject was observed to be in conversation with a single male, positioned on a picnic table, for the duration of the evening. Three and a half decades later, the couple are still in a relationship. Despite this, both parties have asserted that their relationship is still very much in a state of being in love.
The capacity for love is an inherent trait with which we are born. This phenomenon of profound emotional exaltation, often termed romantic love, is intricately interwoven into the complex network of the human brain. But can it last? For a considerable period, it was hypothesised that the subject and her spouse were experiencing a state of self-delusion. However, an incident that transpired at an exhibition in New York City led to a significant shift in my perspective. During a conversation with an acquaintance, he made a spontaneous revelation that he still harboured profound affection for his wife, despite having been married for a period of 23 years. The question was posed: "Is it possible to experience a state of euphoria accompanied by sensations of fluttering in the stomach?" Or feelings of deep attachment?" He made the following bold declaration: "In love." It is equally noteworthy that, in a highly unusual turn of events, minutes after he had disappeared into the crowd, his wife made an appearance. Furthermore, she asserted that her feelings of affection towards her husband were still present. It is possible that the aforementioned individuals were attempting to deceive me. Subsequently, I encountered them in a state of union, and I inquired about the matter. Both individuals appeared visibly taken aback. It would appear that neither of them was aware of the other's emotional disclosure.
The question of whether romantic passion can be sustained after years of caring for children, managing household finances, entertaining relatives, and tolerating partner jokes is a valid one. This was the objective that my colleagues and I set out to achieve in 2007. Led by Dr. Bianca Acevedo, the research team initiated a series of inquiries with the objective of identifying individuals who reported maintaining a state of profound and enduring romantic affection towards their long-term spouse. These lovers appeared in various locations. A 72-year-old retired professor; a 54-year-old financier who met her husband on the flight from Boston to New York; and a man who met his wife in a hot air balloon. Such examples demonstrate that it was not difficult to find couples in the latter stages of life who had been together for a considerable period. In the course of the study, the brains of 17 people were scanned while they viewed a photograph of their significant other. The majority of the subjects were in their fifties. It was asserted by all participants that their relationship was still characterised by a profound level of emotional intimacy, despite having been married for an average duration of 21 years.
The results were nothing short of astonishing. Psychologists posit that the sensation of profound romantic love is transient, with a duration ranging from 18 months to three years. This assertion is widely accepted by the majority of individuals. Nevertheless, the middle-aged subjects exhibited a significant degree of similarity in their brain activity to that displayed by the young lovers previously studied, who had experienced an average duration of seven months of intense romantic affection. Indeed, these two groups exhibited only one significant difference: In the study, it was observed that among individuals in long-term romantic relationships, the brain regions typically associated with anxiety showed a decrease in activity. Conversely, these same regions exhibited increased activity in areas linked to calmness. It is noteworthy that the participants in this study were not the only individuals to demonstrate such dedication to their respective pursuits. In a subsequent telephone survey, Bianca and other colleagues canvassed the opinions of 315 long-married men and women, of whom 46% reported that they were still "very intensely in love" with their spouse.
The precise meaning of the term "very intensely in love" as employed by these individuals remains unclear. It is equally enigmatic how these lovers – or indeed any other individuals – manage to sustain such an ardent passion. The prevailing discourse asserts that the foundations of a successful marriage are anchored in effective communication, congruent values, a robust network of social support, a contented and stable upbringing, equitable conflict resolution, and unwavering resolve. However, a survey of 470 studies conducted by psychologist Marcel Zentner revealed no specific combination of personality traits that consistently predicted long-term romantic relationships. There is, however, one exception to this rule, which is the sustaining of positive illusions. It has been demonstrated that individuals who continue to perceive their partner as attractive, humorous, benevolent, and ideal remain content in their relationship over time. The phenomenon is referred to as 'love blindness'. An instance of this phenomenon was observed in a friend of the author. It was during my university years that I became acquainted with him and his future wife. At the time, both of them were in their prime, with slender physiques, a high level of energy and a keen interest in the world around them. They were a dynamic couple. In contemporary society, both of these roles are often perceived as being characterised by a lack of dynamism, a tendency towards seriousness, and an inclination towards minimal communication. Nevertheless, he continues to assert that she has not undergone any change whatsoever, as he regards her with a countenance of adoration. This tendency towards self-deception may be considered an innate capacity, one that facilitates the ability to overcome challenges in interpersonal relationships. It is not being suggested that abusive spouses or negligent parents should be disregarded. However, with the annual midwinter festivities imminent, it is opportune to celebrate one of nature's most enigmatic phenomena: the human capacity for love.
Romance and Other Myths
The notion of love is not a tangible entity. It is evident that there is some veracity to this claim, however, it does not extend to the extent that is often purported. In the context of neuroscience, the concept of "love" is theorised to be a consequence of an excess of dopamine, norepinephrine and serotonin within the brain. The concept of love, as it is commonly understood, can be considered a fantasy, involving a complex interplay of chemical reactions within the brain that result in feelings of profound affection.
These sentiments may initially evoke the image of a person who has been thwarted in the pursuit of love, but it is argued here that this is not the case. Indeed, I consider myself to be a person with an affinity for romance. A significant proportion of the films that are considered to be among the author's favourites are characterised by the notion of love being ultimately triumphant over all other forces. Furthermore, it is posited that music is most effective in its ability to provoke a state of emotional distress when it is performed by an artist who is experiencing a profound state of emotional devastation, such as heartbreak. Nevertheless, my engagement with and appreciation of the romance genre is as fantastical as my consumption of the science-fiction genre. It is evident that both genres frequently exhibit characteristics that are linked to reality, thereby unveiling certain universal human truths. However, it is important to acknowledge that they ultimately give rise to a fantasy that is not capable of being reproduced in the real world. The primary distinction between these two genres is that the majority of individuals are cognizant of the fact that they are incapable of travelling through time or engaging in combat with extraterrestrial beings in space. Nevertheless, there are numerous individuals who continue to subscribe to the belief that, in the future, they will have the opportunity to encounter their soulmate, engage in a romantic liaison, and embark on a journey through the sunset on a white stallion.
The prevailing popularity of this fantastical concept of romance is not, I posit, indicative of authentic human nature or desire. It can be argued that the modern conception of love is, in fact, the result of centuries of industrialisation and globalisation. The concepts of "love" and "romance" have been subject to commercialisation and capitalisation since the onset of the Industrial Revolution. The contemporary concept of love can be defined as modern. The evolution of romance from its initial stages, characterised by discreet glances and handwritten love letters, has led to its current manifestation as a formidable force that can exert a significant impact on individuals. It was realised that romance encompassed more than mere legends and tragic endings; it also had the potential to become one of the most lucrative money-making scams in history. This phenomenon can be observed through the lens of historical developments, such as the increasing popularity of Valentine's Day and diamond engagement rings. These phenomena have inspired individuals to express their love through material possessions.
The tradition of Valentine's Day first gained popularity in England during the early 19th century, subsequently spreading to the United States. However, it did not become a commercial holiday in the U.S. until a woman named Esther Howland began mass producing Valentine's Day cards in 1848. Historically, the majority of Valentine's Day cards were handmade, but following Esther's innovation, the practice of purchasing pre-made cards became widespread. It is reported that she earned the equivalent of $3 million per annum from her ingenious idea, whilst also establishing the foundation for what would subsequently become a $26 billion industry.
The practice of purchasing diamond engagement rings can be attributed to a single marketing campaign initiated by De Beers in 1946. De Beers, formerly known as De Beers Consolidated Mines, Ltd., was instrumental in the execution of a nationwide educational campaign. The objective of this initiative was to persuade young girls that diamonds constituted the ultimate symbol of love. To this end, lecturers were dispatched to visit high schools across the country. The objective of the campaign was to persuade both young men and women that a man's love could be measured by the size of the diamond he purchased. The transformation of the industry was achieved through the implementation of strategic initiatives, resulting in a significant growth trajectory. The industry experienced a substantial expansion, evolving from a $23 million sector to a $2 billion one within a 40-year period. The slogan 'A diamond is forever' is a well-known one, and it is interesting to consider whether this is an accurate representation of the true cost of diamonds. The cultural impact of the campaign can be measured through the popularity of the slogan alone. The concept of an inherent connection between love and diamonds was successfully marketed, and the nation as a whole accepted this premise. The diamond industry is currently valued at over $23 billion.
The considerable financial success of both Valentine's Day and the diamond industry demonstrates how love has been shaped and moulded into a profitable venture, where the exchange of material possessions becomes intertwined with the expression of affection and devotion. This transformation underscores the extent to which modern conceptions of love have evolved to exploit emotional dimensions for commercial profit. It is evident that, over the course of several centuries, corporations have persistently exploited and capitalised on what has been regarded as the most lucrative human emotion: love.
A cursory examination of romance novels serves to illustrate this point. Romance is the most lucrative book genre, generating more than $1.4 billion in revenue per annum. As would be anticipated, women represent the most significant demographic of consumers of romance genre works, a category which this author wholeheartedly identifies with (a confirmation of this can be found in the author's letterboxd). The antecedents of the modern Western romance novel can be traced back to an English novel published in 1740, entitled "Pamela; or, Virtue Rewarded". Should further interest be generated regarding the contents of the so-called first romance novel, it is notable that the narrative is focused on a non-consensual relationship between a 15-year-old servant and the son of her late mistress. This approach may not be regarded as conventionally romantic. However, over the past 200 years or so, the concept of romance has evolved, encompassing phenomena such as sunset proposals, the bestowal of rose bouquets, and the pursuit of happy endings. The fact that it also generates billions of dollars through a multitude of industries is not an accident.
The question of marriage is also worthy of consideration. The question of whether love exists is one which has been posed to humankind since time immemorial. The answer may be found in the ancient tradition of ceremoniously binding two people in union, a practice which is widely considered to be irrefutable proof of the existence of love. It is important to note that, in traditional contexts, marriage was not regarded as a romantic affair. Throughout history, the purpose of the majority of marriages has been to form an alliance between families and legitimise offspring, and in many parts of the world this remains the case. The concept of matrimony founded upon affectionate love is a relatively recent Western convention that did not emerge until the 18th century. The concept of love and marriage being regarded as a great equaliser is a commonly held belief. The notion that anyone has the capacity to experience love and subsequently enter into matrimony is a source of its perceived greatness. However, this assertion is not supported by the extant evidence. Historically and contemporaneously, the institution of marriage has been subject to considerable political contestation. Historically, the institution has not been universally accessible. Not until 1967 was interracial marriage made legal in the United States, and same-sex marriage was not legal in all 50 states until 2015. Even at present, marriage continues to be employed by the government as a political tactic, serving to deflect responsibility for addressing critical issues. For instance, initiatives such as the Healthy Marriage Initiative seek to persuade low-income households that matrimony can assist them in escaping the grasp of indigence. Marriage has been employed as a means to promote political agendas that further disenfranchise marginalised groups, and as a scapegoat solution to issues that are deeply rooted in the defective structure of the country's institutions.
In her work "Love, Inc.", sociologist and Middlebury College professor Laurie Essig explores these ideas in great detail. Essig's argument is that modern love emerged in the 19th century, coinciding with the advent of capitalism. In her book, Essig offers a compelling perspective on the role of religion and romance in premodern and modern societies. She asserts that while religion functioned as a form of opiate for the masses in the premodern era, romance emerged as a more potent addiction in the modern age.
It is possible that the reader may be of the opinion that there are pre-modern examples of love: Examples of such pairings include Romeo and Juliet, Lancelot and Guinevere, and Antony and Cleopatra. However, these tales of love invariably culminate in tragedy, a phenomenon that stands in stark contrast to contemporary conceptions of love. Pre-modern love stories frequently did not have happy endings; indeed, the classic theme of doomed lovers was especially popular in the Middle Ages. While not all pre-modern love stories ended in tragedy, the prevalence of death and misfortune in literature and folklore from these eras reflects the prevailing attitudes towards love during that period. This phenomenon can be attributed to the endeavours of storytellers to convey an idealised conception of love to their audience. Nevertheless, it was evident that love was not without its imperfections. The conclusion of romantic relationships, whether through infidelity or the dissipation of personal wealth, served as a catalyst for the conceptualisation of a form of love that transcended mortal limitations. This idealised conception of love, characterised by its finality and transcendence, found its ultimate expression in the concept of death. It is only in such circumstances that the potential for complications or imperfections between lovers is eliminated. Composed in the 18th century, "The Story of the Stone" is considered to be one of the most well-known texts in all of Chinese literature. A fundamental element of the narrative is the profound and enduring love story between the protagonists, Bao-yu and Dai-yu. However, the narrative is predestined to reach a tragic conclusion from its inception. Dai-yu's demise is marked by the shedding of her final tear, which coincides with her marriage to another individual. This event triggers a profound desolation in Bao-yu, to the extent that he nearly succumbs to his anguish. Consequently, he opts to forsake his wife and embark on a spiritual path as a monk. It is also pertinent to note the prevalence of supernatural elements in the novel. Paradoxically, my parents endeavoured to dissuade me from reading "The Story of the Stone", fearing that I might internalise the tragic themes of romance and become profoundly obsessed with a illusory concept of love. Regrettably, their endeavours proved to be unsuccessful.
The development of my first crush occurred prior to the full maturation of my hippocampus and prefrontal cortex. It has been documented that I experienced a period of intense romantic attraction towards a young man named Stone, a member of my preschool class. I have no recollection of this occurrence, but my parents have informed me that I was extremely distraught. My mother found this to be a matter of great peculiarity; at the tender age of three, her daughter had already developed a marked preference for boys. It is hypothesised that the effects of exposure to Disney princess movies during the first three years of life may have contributed to this phenomenon. The following Disney classics were viewed during my formative years: Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, and The Little Mermaid. However, it is important to note that these fairy tales were all adapted from much darker stories that were not intended for family viewing. The adaptation of these macabre tales into more appealing narratives for children, characterised by a happy ending, exemplifies the utilisation of fairytale romance as a commercial enterprise. These films instilled in me a profound yearning for romantic relationships and the idealised figure of a knight in shining armour. While this may not have been the intention of the filmmakers (the objective was profit), it is an undeniable consequence of presenting young girls with endless tales of princes rescuing them from their monotonous lives.
The assertion is that the concept of love has been distorted and exaggerated in various forms of popular culture, including literature, commercials, political campaigns, movies, television programmes, fan fiction, and news media. This misrepresentation of love has led to a significant detachment from reality, thereby hindering individuals' ability to experience contentment and happiness in their personal lives.
The pervasiveness of romantic ideals in contemporary society has led to a pervasive influence on individual psyches, to the extent that the conception of a happy life without a romantic partner has become almost inextricable from the cultural discourse. However, the necessity of a romantic partner to attain happiness is a fallacy. The notion of love and romantic partnership is frequently discussed as a privilege. The discourse surrounding the prioritisation of self-care and autonomy supersedes the pursuit of romantic partnerships. It is recommended that individuals engage in self-reflection and personal development prior to embarking on committed relationships. However, in practice, romantic love is commonly perceived as a right rather than a gift. This phenomenon, which is poised to manifest, is of paramount significance to the human condition, with the potential to remedy all forms of distress and setbacks. The question that arises is why we are not conditioned to be content in an independent state. The subject is unable to imagine a state of contentment that would be independent of a partner, and yet not in isolation. The overarching objective of romance, therefore, is to instil in us the belief that the pursuit of a fictional conception of happiness should take precedence over all other concerns, both personal and global. The hypothesis that financial investment in love will result in a favourable outcome is one that merits further investigation. The institution of marriage is commonly accepted as a given, with individuals often lacking a clear understanding of the specific reasons or circumstances surrounding this commitment. As college students, many of us are yet to determine our post-graduate plans or the city in which we will reside five years hence. However, it is a commonly held belief that marriage will be entered into by all at some point.
It is not the intention of the author to disseminate this message with the intent to demoralise. It is to be hoped that the realisation that love is not all that is required will result in individuals being released from the burden of expecting to find the perfect person. This is not to suggest that individuals should relinquish romantic partnerships entirely, as the phenomenon of love remains a valid and demonstrable entity. It has been demonstrated that this is not the definitive conclusion to which we are led to subscribe. While it is indeed possible to locate a suitable partner and achieve contentment, this represents merely one of the numerous significant aspects of the human experience. It is imperative to acknowledge that each individual possesses the intrinsic capacity to attain contentment, and this potential is inherent within each person.
