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Romance blog 2!

A Brief History of Romance (And Its Implications)

It is evident that at some point during the course of evolution, which occurred between the emergence of plankton and the formation of the band Bon Jovi, apes developed the capacity to form emotional attachments with one another. This emotional attachment would eventually come to be known as "love", and evolution would one day produce a plethora of singers from New Jersey who would amass considerable wealth by writing sentimental songs about it.

Second Fact: The ability to form attachments with others, i.e. the capacity for love, has evolved in humans as a means of enhancing survival rates.¹ This assertion, while not inherently romantic or erotic, is substantiated by empirical evidence.

The evolution of oversized dentition, immense claws and colossal strength, akin to that of a primate, did not occur. Conversely, the evolution of the capacity for emotional bonding within communities and families emerged, fostering a pronounced propensity for cooperation. These social structures have been demonstrated to be significantly more efficacious than any innate biological imperative. The planet was soon dominated by humanity.

Thirdly, as Hume (1745) observes, human beings inherently develop a sense of loyalty and affection towards those who demonstrate such qualities. The concept of love can be defined as an irrational degree of loyalty and affection for another person, to the point where an individual is willing to accept harm or even death for that person. It may appear counterintuitive, but it is these symbiotic warm fuzzies that enabled the species to rely on one another for a sufficient period of time to survive the savannas and populate the planet, as well as to invent Netflix.

Fourthly, it is important to acknowledge the role of evolution in the advent of Netflix.

Fifth Fact: The ancient Greek philosopher Plato advanced the argument that the highest form of love was, in fact, this non-sexual, non-romantic form of attachment to another person, otherwise termed "brotherly love". Plato reasoned (correctly) that since passion and romance and sex often result in us acting in a manner that we subsequently regret, this sort of passionless love between two family members or between two close friends represented the pinnacle of virtuous human experience. Indeed, Plato, in congruence with the majority of ancient thinkers, regarded romantic love with a sense of profound scepticism, if not outright horror.

Sixth Fact: In accordance with the majority of cases, Plato was correct in his assumptions before other parties had the opportunity to do so. This is the basis for the frequent use of the term "platonic love" to denote non-sexual love.

Seventh Fact: For the majority of human history, romantic love has been regarded as a form of psychological malady.⁴ A logical conclusion can be deduced from this perspective. Indeed, it is evident that romantic love can lead individuals, particularly those in their youth, to engage in behaviours that are considered imprudent. Trust me. On one occasion at the age of 21, I deliberately missed class, purchased a bus ticket, and traversed three states to surprise a young woman for whom I had strong romantic feelings. The woman became agitated and I was soon back on a bus heading home, still unaccompanied. What an idiot.

The initial conception of embarking on the bus journey was perceived as a commendable notion, primarily due to its romantic connotations. The subject experienced a state of emotional turbulence throughout the duration of the event. The experience of being immersed in a fantasy world was one of profound enjoyment. However, it is now perceived as a regrettable act committed in a state of inexperience and unwise judgment.

This tendency towards ill-advised decisions has been a recurring theme throughout history, and it is this historical context that has led to the ancient world's scepticism towards the notion of romantic love. Alternatively, within a multitude of cultures, it was regarded as a regrettable affliction that all must endure and surmount during their existence, akin to the experience of chickenpox. Indeed, celebrated works of literature such as The Iliad and Romeo and Juliet do not represent an celebration of love. These warnings cautioned against the potential negative consequences of love, emphasising the assertion that romantic love has the capacity to destroy all other aspects of one's life.

It is evident that throughout the majority of recorded human history, matrimony was not based on emotional sentiments. In the context of the ancient world, emotional sentiments were not given significant consideration.

Why?

The prevailing sentiment that emotions are of negligible importance is evidenced by the necessity to engage in agricultural practices and the sustenance of livestock, as well as the fortuitous circumstance that Attila the Hun has just annihilated one's entire extended family in the neighbouring village.

The temporal constraints imposed on the narrative precluded the development of romantic subplots. It is evident that there was a lack of tolerance for the risky behaviours that were encouraged among the populace. The sheer volume of tasks to be completed in a limited timeframe rendered the undertaking of life-or-death work imperative. The institution of marriage was regarded as having two primary functions: procreation and the maintenance of financial stability.Romantic love, if it was even acknowledged, was typically confined to extramarital relationships involving mistresses and unscrupulous partners.

Throughout the majority of recorded human history, the sustenance and survival of the vast majority of the human population was precarious. The life expectancy of humans in the past was lower than that of cats, for example. All actions were undertaken for the fundamental purpose of survival. The practice of arranging marriages by families was not driven by personal affinities or romantic sentiments, but rather by pragmatic considerations such as the potential for shared agricultural resources and the ability to mutualise in times of natural disasters.

Marriage was conceptualised as a purely economic arrangement, designed to promote the survival and prosperity of both extended families. Consequently, if a juvenile were to experience paresthesia in the glans penis and subsequently desire to abscond with a lactating female, this would not merely be a nuisance; it would constitute a genuine threat to the community's viability. The aforementioned issue was addressed in accordance with the prevailing conventions. Indeed, such behaviour was considered so perilous for young men that most ancient societies resorted to the practice of castration as a means of preventing their members from engaging in extramarital affairs. Consequently, this approach yielded a notable outcome: the establishment of exceptional vocal ensembles comprised of male singers.

It was not until the advent of the Industrial Revolution that a shift in the status quo became observable. The population began to migrate towards urban areas and industrial centres in order to seek employment. The financial independence that this transition brought about meant that the economic future of these individuals was no longer dependent on the land, and that they were able to generate revenue independently of their family. In contrast to the economic and political aspects of marriage that were observed in the ancient world, where individuals frequently relied on inheritances or family connections, these practices no longer held much relevance in the medieval period.

The new economic realities of the 19th century then cross-pollinated with the ideas that emerged from the Enlightenment regarding individual rights and the pursuit of happiness, and the result was a full-blown Age of Romanticism. The sentiment that the emotional well-being of cattle ought to be considered has only emerged in the modern era; in the 1800s, the welfare of animals was not a priority. The newly established ideal was predicated not only on the act of matrimony being entered into for the purpose of love, but also on the notion that such love would persist in a state of eternal bliss. Consequently, it was not until the relatively recent 150 years ago that the ever-popular "happily ever after" ideal came into existence.6

The 20th century witnessed the rise of Hollywood and advertising agencies, which, amid a backdrop of significant global events, including the rise of fascism and several genocides, appropriated the concept of the "happily ever after" fantasy. Over the subsequent century, these entities have persistently and extensively explored this theme, leading to its widespread popularisation.

The assertion is that romance, as well as the significant cultural weight often attributed to it, is a modern concept that has been primarily promoted and marketed by businessmen who recognised its potential as a means to encourage consumers to purchase movie tickets and/or new jewellery. As the famous television character Don Draper once astutely observed, "The concept of love was conceptualised by individuals such as myself for the purpose of promoting nylons."

The concept of romance is a relatively straightforward concept to promote. We all enjoy seeing the hero get the girl. The conclusion of the narrative is a source of great satisfaction for the reader. The concept of a "happily ever after" is a prevalent one in modern culture, and its appeal lies in the belief that a positive outcome is possible in the future. The sensation is pleasant. Consequently, the commercial forces that emerged in the 20th century seized this opportunity and propelled it forward.

However, the notion that romantic love, and indeed love in general, is as straightforward as it is often portrayed in Hollywood cinema and jewellery store advertising, is a fallacy. The notion that love can be devoid of sensuality and tedium is not a commonly posited one. Alternatively, it could be argued that love can, on occasion, be an unpleasant and even painful experience, and that it could potentially be something that is not desired at all times. Alternatively, the notion of love being contingent on self-discipline and the consistent exertion of effort over an extended period, whether it be years, decades, or even a lifetime, is also posited.

These truths are not sensational. Furthermore, the sales performance of these products has been unsatisfactory.

The challenging nature of romantic relationships is evident in the post-engagement period, when the initial euphoria gives way to the more mundane responsibilities of partnership. The true essence of a relationship is often obscured by the mundane, monotonous and unsexy aspects that are not readily apparent to others. As is typical of the majority of media content, depictions of love in popular culture are subject to a narrow focus. The intricacies and challenges inherent in the act of cohabitation are often overshadowed by sensationalist narratives, such as the poignant separation, unexpected plot developments, and the universally cherished happy ending.

The pervasive influence of such messages throughout the course of an individual's life often results in a misinterpretation of the excitement and drama associated with romance as being representative of the entirety of the relationship itself. When an individual is engrossed in a romantic relationship, it is difficult to conceive of any potential difficulties that may arise between themself and their partner. It is not possible to perceive their faults or failures; only their limitless potential and possibility can be observed.

This phenomenon does not constitute true love. This assertion is demonstrably false. As is typical of delusions, the consequences are frequently unfavourable.

This leads to the eighth fact, which states that loving someone does not necessarily imply that one should be in a relationship with them.

It is possible to experience romantic attraction towards an individual who does not treat us well, who makes us feel worse about ourselves, who does not hold the same respect for us as we do for them, or who has such a dysfunctional life themselves that they threaten to pull us underwater until we drown in their loving arms.

It is possible to develop romantic feelings for an individual whose ambitions and life goals are contradictory to one's own, whose philosophical beliefs or worldview differs from one's own, or whose life path merely intersects with one's own at an inopportune time.

It is conceivable to develop strong romantic feelings for an individual who does not contribute positively to our own wellbeing and contentment.

This is the reason why, throughout most of human history, marriage was arranged by the parents of the couple. The aforementioned individuals were in possession of an objective perspective on the matter of their offspring's marital compatibility, or lack thereof.

However, in the past few centuries, since young people were granted the autonomy to select their romantic partners (a development that can be considered positive), they have exhibited an instinctive tendency to exaggerate the capacity of love to surmount the challenges and difficulties inherent in their relationships (a tendency that can be regarded as detrimental).

This constitutes the definition of a toxic or unhealthy relationship, whereby individuals do not love each other for the person they are, but rather love each other in the hope that their feelings for each other will fill some horribly empty hole in their soul.

It is the ninth fact that personal freedom is accompanied by an increased requirement for personal responsibility and understanding. One hundred years later, we are only now beginning to comprehend the responsibilities that love entails.

Individuals in toxic relationships do not reciprocate the love of their partners. The concept of mutual affection between the two parties is evident. The protagonists are enamoured with the fantastical reveries that perpetually unfold within their consciousness. In lieu of relinquishing their fantastical inclinations and embracing the individual before them, they expend their volition and vitality meticulously interpreting and conforming said individual to align with the fantastical concept they persistently conjure.

And why?

This is due to a lack of awareness regarding the available options. Alternatively, the subjects may be apprehensive about the vulnerability inherent in loving another person in a selfless and healthy manner.

Historically, romantic love was viewed with disdain. The subjects expressed trepidation regarding the phenomenon, harbouring reservations about its purported capabilities and exhibiting a degree of apprehension with respect to its potential to influence individuals to make unwise decisions.

In the past, people placed a higher value on love than they did on the limitations imposed by their familial environment. The subjects idealised the experience and believed that it would alleviate their problems and pain permanently.

However, recent developments have led to the realisation that, while love is undoubtedly a positive force, it is not an adequate standalone solution.

It is imperative to recognise that love should not be the primary catalyst for relationships; rather, it should be a by-product of them. It is argued that love should not be the primary focus of our lives, but rather a consequence thereof. The fact that an individual makes one feel more alive does not, in itself, necessitate that one should live for them.

However, there appears to be a lack of discourse surrounding the notion that augmented personal autonomy concomitantly engenders augmented opportunities for missteps. The phenomenon under discussion has been demonstrated to engender heightened prospects for the infliction of harm upon others. The profound impact of romantic love on human experience has been transformative, offering individuals remarkable opportunities for personal growth and development. However, it has also given rise to the necessity of a realistic and honest approach to relationships that acknowledges the painful realities of cohabitation.

In the contemporary era, marked by the prevalence of ghosting and the utilisation of swipe-right features on dating apps, the notion of romantic relationships has been subject to considerable debate. The assertion that romance is dead is demonstrably false. The act of postponement merely serves to relocate the interaction to a more secure environment, necessitating the establishment of a certain degree of comfort and trust between the parties prior to the onset of intense emotional responses.

This outcome may be considered beneficial.